Peer Workshop

I believe that I have a good start on my essay and after several revisions and talking to you during our conference than I will have a well developed essay. I think the peer editing will help me with my writing and get me going in the right directions. I want to be sure that I am not just rambling on and actually make sense. My editors said I started off good in the first two paragraphs, but the ending was confusing and needs work. I will try to make the end as interesting as the first part. They also said I need to use more imagery and senses to help show the surroundings. I think I do a lot of telling, but not much showing so I will need to make it more descriptive. I need to go into deeper meaning and explain the memories of my childhood. My editors also said that in some place it is a little choppy and could use some work. I want to get your opinion on how I am doing and what I need to do to make it better. I hope that you can led me in the right direction and help me become a better writer. I will make whatever changes are needed to make my paper a well developed essay.